Peculiarities Part 2

So, here are some more of the obscure heroes from  Madison Comics - see the prior post to get caught up.

So, on the left is the Human Dog. I already had two anthropomorphic-animal types, so I went a different way here. I figure this fellow is a sleuth, with all the relentlessness of a bloodhound on a trail, and that's where he picked up his nickname. He's also loyal to a fault, like a dog; that would be a repeated plot device.

Upper right finds Jackass. The "stupid, foolish or offensive" connotation didn't grab me, so I tried for more of a burro-donkey vibe. Smaller, stubborn, hard to move, and with heavy boots for kickin'.

Our first woman hero is Lady X. Again, the usual "X the unknown" has been done to death, so in this case the X is for crosshairs or "X marks the spot" - Lady X is a sharpshooting whiz. The poorly-drawn Mausers are an hommage to the Paul Kirk Manhunter.

A peculiar diversion

So, it's tough times all around, no doubt, but here's a bit of a fluff-break.

First of all, you need to read this post to refresh your memory.

Now for a correction: the Doctor Peculiar comic was not a one-hit-wonder -- it was a two-issue triumph! Viz:

  

Also, in addition to the superheroes gleaned from the back of the Rovin encyclopedia, GCD now has a listing for the title and reports that the first issue included a six-page story about Muffy Brandon, Space Explorer and a house ad for Julie Winsome, Medical Detective. What breadth! What depth!

Anyway...

I honestly can't remember how I was struck by the idea, but I decided to do character sketches for all the characters in this odd little assortment of heroe, just going down the list one by one. Here are the first installments on the project:

On the right is the Bronze Bruin. I'm not sure yet if he's a were-bear or just an intelligent bear like Smokey. He wears a mask so he won't be recognized, I guess...

Down in the lower left corner is Dinosaur Man. I imagine him as powerful industrialist or high-tech CEO, who just happens to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex-human hybrid. Very cultured and sophisticated, untl he eats you.

In the center is Doctor Peculiar: jazz musician by night, occult do-gooder by... other nights. A little more Phantom Stranger than Dr. Strange.

The tall guy on the left is Flame Tree, with energy shield and throwy-fire bit. Not real happy with the costume, which is supposed to evoke Zulu designs.

On the right is the Green Lance, a total ripoff of leather-jacket-phase Black Knight from Marvel. I suppose he has some kind of  laser-lance or something, or maybe that's just his name, not his weapon of choice.

In the middle is Hanu-Man. Since Hanuman is an actual Hindu divinity, the center of many stories of adventure, I figure he's sort of a Don Blake/Thor type character, a regular guy who transforms into a superhero version of the god. And he carries the Namor vibe, wearing as he does just a speedo.

This has been a nice diversion for me - I hope to present the remaining dozen before too long.

Who knows, I might even get around to Muffy Brandon and Julie Winsome.

Spelling

(Warning: Totally for D&D geeks)

Spells from the Spellbook of a Wizard 

with Really Bad Penmanship

Animate lead: This spell creates a lead servant. Choose a pile of lead within range. Your spell imbues the target with a foul mimicry of life

Chin Lightning: You create a bolt of lightning that arcs toward the lower jaw of a target of your choice that you can see within range, doing 1d2 damage.

Chili touch: You create a ghostly, skeletal bowl of chili in the space of a creature within range. Make a ranged spell attack against the creature to spill the chili on it. On a hit, the target takes 1d2 hot oil damage, and it can’t regain hit points until the start of your next turn. Until then, the chili clings to the target.

Crone of cold: A blast of cold air erupts from your hands, creating an old woman who complains bitterly of being too cold and the winters never used to be this bad. Each creature within hearing must make a saving throw against eyerolling or take 1d2 CHA damage.

Bacon of hope: This spell bestows hope and vitality with regard to cooking bacon. Choose any number of creatures within range. For the duration, each target has advantage on skill checks made to cook and eat bacon.

Turning hands: As you hold your hands with thumbs touching and fingers spread, a thin aura shoots forth from your outstretched fingertips. Each creature in a 15-foot cone must make a Dexterity saving throw, turning ninety degrees clockwise on a failed save.

Barkvision: You touch a willing creature to grant it the ability to see inside trees.

Dimension floor: You teleport yourself from your current location to any other spot within range, but only below you.

Divine flavor: Your prayer empowers you with divine radiance. Until the spell ends, everything tastes much better.

Dominate feast: You attempt to beguile a dining room table that you can see within range. It must succeed on a Wisdom saving throw or be charmed by you for the duration. While the table is charmed, no one else can eat from it but you.

Weather fall: Choose up to five falling creatures within range. Each falling creature is struck by lightning, taking additional 1d6 damage.

Find steer: You summon a spirit that assumes the form of an unusually intelligent, strong, and loyal young neutered male beef cattle, creating a long-lasting bond with it.

Find craps: You sense the presence of any excrement, feces, or scat within range that is within line of sight.

Wire bolt: You hurl a mote of wire at a creature or object within range. Make a ranged spell attack against the target. On a hit, the target takes 1d2 paperclip damage.

Wire storm: A storm made up of tangles of computer cables, phone cords, and stereo speaker wires appears in a location you choose within range. The area of the storm consists of up to ten 10-foot cubes, which you can arrange as you wish. Each cube must have at least one face adjacent to the face of another cube. Each creature in the area must make a Dexterity saving throw to untangle a cube and move forward.

Flesh to store: You attempt to turn one creature that you can see within range into a small bodega, or a 7-11. If the target’s body is made of flesh, the creature must make a Constitution saving throw.

Fig cloud: You create a 20-foot-radius sphere of soft pear-shaped fruit with sweet dark flesh and many small seeds, centered on a point within range.

Soresight: You touch a willing creature and bestow a splitting headache, right behind the eyes, I don’t know, maybe it’s sinuses, but man it really hurts.

Sneezing sphere: A globe of ragweed energy streaks from your fingertips to a point of your choice within range, where it explodes in a 60-foot-radius sphere. Each creature within the area must make a Constitution saving throw. On a failed save, a creature sneezes 1d4 times.

Goonberry: Up to ten berries appear in your hand and are infused with magic for the duration. A creature can use its action to eat one berry. Eating a berry reduces INT 1 point.

Gross: A slick layer of disgusting, noxious, smelly material covers the ground in a 10-foot square centered on a point within range and turns it into unpleasant terrain for the duration.

Gust of rind: A line of strong wind 60 feet long and 10 feet wide blasts orange peels, lemon and lime zest, banana skins, and other fruit rinds in a direction you choose for the spell’s duration. Each creature that starts its turn in the line must succeed on a Strength saving throw or be really grossed out.

Tallow: You touch a point and infuse an area around it with holy waxy power. The area can have a radius up to 60 feet and is immediately covered in suet.

Farm: You unleash fecund topsoil on a creature that you can see within range. The target must make a Constitution saving throw. On a failed save, they are covered in a robust crop of caster’s choice.

Meal: Choose a creature that you can see within range. A surge of positive energy washes through the creature, causing it to feel as if it just finished a nice dinner.

Heroes’ yeast: You bring forth a great loaf of bread. The bread takes 1 hour to consume and disappears at the end of that time.

Bold monster: Choose a creature that you can see within range. The target must succeed on a Wisdom saving throw or have advantage on all attack rolls the duration.

Holey aura: Divine light washes out from you and coalesces in a soft radiance in a 30-foot radius around you. Creatures of your choice in that radius when you cast this spell notice small rips and tears in their garments that they hadn’t known were there.

Hunter’s nark: You choose a creature you can see within range and mystically mark it as your quarry. Until the spell ends, all its friends will snitch it off, tell you where it’s hiding, and otherwise drop a dime on it at any chance.

Nice storm: A hail of pleasant weather with moderate temperatures covers a 20-foot-radius, 40-foot-high cylinder centered on a point within range. Each creature in the cylinder rather enjoys it.

Inflict sounds: Make a melee spell attack against a creature you can reach. On a hit, the target hears noises from the apartment next door, AGAIN, and takes 1d2 sonic damage.

Knack: Choose an object that you can see within range. The object can be a musical instrument, household appliance, or child’s toy. For the duration, you know how to use it well.

Legend Bore: Name or describe a person, place, or object. The spell brings to your mind a brief summary of the significant lore about the thing you named. The lore might consist of current tales, forgotten stories, or even secret lore that has never been widely known. But each time you attempt to relay this information, the listeners fall asleep.

Slight: You touch one object that is no larger than 10 feet in any dimension. Until the spell ends, the object sheds really dim light in a 2-foot radius

Longslider: You touch a creature. The target’s speed increases by 10 feet until the spell ends, but only downhill.

Page hand: A spectral, floating hand appears at a point you choose within range. The hand lasts for the duration or until you dismiss it as an action. The hand vanishes if it is ever more than 30 feet away from you or if you cast this spell again. You can use your action to control the hand, but only to open and leaf through books.

Bending: This spell manipulates and twists a single break or tear in an object you touch, such as a broken chain link, two halves of a broken key, a torn cloak, or a leaking wineskin. It probably just makes it worse and you should have left it alone.

Massage: You point your finger toward a creature within range. The target (and only the target) feels a nice back rub.

More earth: Choose an area of terrain no larger than 40 feet on a side within range. It becomes covered in dirt.

Pass without face: A veil of shadows and silence radiates from you, masking you and your companions from detection. Also, you have no eyes, ear, nose, or mouth, so getting around is a bit difficult. But no one can detect you, so there’s that.

Produce flume: A bubbling stream of water appears in your hand. The stream remains there for the duration and harms neither you nor your equipment. You can also attack with the stream, although doing so ends the spell. When you cast this spell, or as an action on a later turn, you can hurl the stream at a creature within 30 feet of you. Make a ranged spell attack. On a hit, the target has wet clothes and feel uncomfortable for the rest of the day.

Remove purse: At your touch, all wealth possessed by one creature or object disappears.

Reverse gravy: This spell reverses gravy in a 50-foot-radius, 100-foot high cylinder centered on a point within range. All gravy in the area is deconstructed into its original ingredients, which appear in separate measuring cups arranged by volume.

Starching ray: You create three rays of polysaccharide and hurl them at targets within range. You can hurl them at one target or several. Make a ranged spell attack for each ray. On a hit a target’s clothes are uncomfortably stiff for 1d4 rounds.

Spending: You send a short message of twenty-five words or less to a creature with which you are familiar. The creature hears the message in its mind, recognizes you as the sender if it knows you, and immediately makes what ever purchase you suggest.

Steep: This spell sends creatures into a magical teacup. Roll 5d8; the total is how many hit points of creatures this spell can affect. Creatures within 20 feet of a point you choose within range are affected in ascending order of their current hit points (ignoring unconscious creatures). Starting with the creature that has the lowest current hit points, each creature affected by this spell is trapped in the magic teacup until the spell ends, or it climbs out.

Spider limb: Until the spell ends, one willing creature you touch gains four additional legs.

Stone shin: This spell turns the shins of a willing creature you touch as hard as stone. Until the spell ends, the target has resistance to nonmagical bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage below the knees.

Wall of rice: You create a wall of rice on a solid surface within range. You can form it into a hemispherical dome or a sphere with a radius of up to 10 feet, or something like a sushi roll. In any form, the wall is 1 foot thick and lasts for the duration, but eventually gets hard and dry.

Wall of horns: You create a wall of trumpets, cornets, tubas, and euphoniums.

Barding Bond: This spell wards a willing creature you touch and creates mystic armor for them, which unfortunately is made for an animal and doesn’t quite fit right, granting +1 to AC but disadvantage on all attack rolls.

Water talk: This spell grants the ability to operate a ventriloquist’s dummy and throw your voice while drinking a glass of water.

Wed: You conjure a mass of thick, floating confetti at a point of your choice within range. The confetti fills a 20-foot cube from that point for the duration. Each creature that starts its turn in the cube is legally married to every other creature in the cube.

Zone of Ruth: You create a magical zone in a 15-foot-radius sphere centered on a point of your choice within range. Until the spell ends, a creature that enters the spell’s area for the first time on a turn or starts its turn there must make a Charisma saving throw or be named Ruth for 1d4 rounds.

Dish: Dish is the mightiest spell a mortal creature can cast. By simply speaking aloud, you can alter the very foundations of reality in accord with your desires, and get whatever meal you want delivered within 30 minutes, or there’s no charge.

Two little words

Taking a break from Godzillarama - well, actually, G v. Mechagodzilla is on in the other room, so the rama is still ramin' - to post what might be my favoritest Xmas story of all, courtesy of Leonard Pierce, who I used to read at his LiveJournal, and who is now on Instagram and GoodReads and probably some other places as well. Anyway, here's his story:

***

The big man didn’t belong in this bar. Not like Widner did – you could take one look at Widner and tell that he’d spent most of his adult life on a fake leather stool throwing back vodka tonics. The big man was different.

When he’d walked in, the jingling bell on the door (old Fluke, the bartender, made this one concession to the holiday spirit and no other, which is why Widner drank here) was nearly drowned out by the howling winds outside; the big man brushed snow off of his shoulders, thus removing the only thing that marred his five hundred dollar suit. He had perfectly styled hair, blue like gun steel and with a precious little spit-curl that he absently smoothed back into the coif that had probably cost more than the suit. He sat at the stool next to Widner and ordered a Soder.

Well, at least it wasn’t milk, thought Widner, wincing his way through another vodka. The big man peered at him through his big, round glasses as if he was a jeweler looking for flaws; he’d find plenty. Only two types of people looked at you that way: cops and queers. 

“Take a picture, pal,” Widner hissed. “It’ll last longer.”

The big man chuckled. “Actually,” he replied, “it wouldn’t. I have a photographic memory.” He sipped at his cola and gave a bit of a pull to his blandly handsome face, as if it was stronger than what he was used to.

“You a cop?” Widner asked. He wasn’t particularly worried; there was no paper on him that he could remember – nothing fresh, anyway – but he still didn’t relish the prospect of dealing with the law, not with the problems he was having.

“No, I’m no policeman,” the big man said, chuckling in a rehearsed-sounding way. “Actually, I’m a reporter.”

Widner squinted through the vodka mist. “Hey, yeah, you look familiar, actually. You from TV? I seen you before, I’m sure of it.”

The big man shook his head with finality. “Absolutely not,” he said. “I’m strictly print. I work for the Planet, up in Metropolis. I’m down here researching a story, as it happens – I sort of got lost along the way and stopped in here to get my bearings.”

He kept peering at Widner through those hokey coke-bottle lenses. It was starting to make the half-drunk barfly extremely nervous. “Look,” he said, in a lush’s voice that tries to hide itself but comes out as suspiciously quiet, “what, why do you keep staring at me like that? What’s this story you’re doing in a dumpy little burg like this, anyway?”

“Oh, it’s a real pip,” said the big man. “I’ve been following the story of this SKULL experiment that went awry. Apparently they’d hired a lot of fellows, ex-cons mostly, and subjected them to a radiation treatment that changed them somehow.” 

Widner’s face went as pure white as the snow stacked around the corners of Fluke’s windows. He flashed back to the ad he’d answered six miserable years ago in the Underworld Star, the horrible sterile chamber they’d stuck him in, the sickly pink glow that washed over his body and turned him into a monster for a penny-ante paycheck. He remembered how all his troubles began.

“It so happens,” the big man continued with a gregarious smile on his wide, honest face but a steely glare behind his round frames, “that what this treatment did was to unleash the id of these men. It somehow actually gave a sort of parapsychic life to their innermost desires, to their basest instincts. The men couldn’t control this id-creature. Different things would trigger its release – particular sights or smells, emotional reactions, even combinations of words.”

On his creaky barstool, with subzero temperatures outside, Widner began to sweat. He couldn’t pull himself away from the big man’s piercing gaze. And as he spoke, as he described the exact circumstances that had turned Widner’s life into an unending nightmare, Widner flashed on the last six years – how, once a year, whenever anyone would say two little words, two words people only said during the last few weeks of December, he’d black out. When he’d awaken, he’d have money in his pockets, blood on his hands, and the knowledge that he’d soon see a newspaper article about a hideous pink demon made of glowing light that had wreaked havoc in a bank, a bordello, a police station.

“At any rate,” the big man continued, “it turns out that there’s a very simple cure. But there’s one man left, who didn’t get the word, and I’m trying to track him down.”

Widner panicked. Simple cure, my ass: this guy was probably some sort of snitch. If he fessed up, the big man would turn him over to the cops in a heartbeat and he’d spend the rest of his days in a cage – or strapped to a table in some lab. No, sir. Not for Sal Widner. The big man stared at him more steadily than ever, but somewhere, somehow, Widner found the strength to tear himself away. He leapt up from the barstool, nearly pitching over forward into the big man’s arms.

“Listen, pal,” he sputtered in panic and false bravado, “I ain’t never heard of this crazy crap, and I don’t like the way you’re lookin’ at me. Now, why don’t you clear your big-city ass up on out of here, before I clean your clock?”

The big man simply smiled, a jovial, reassuring smile, and rose from his own barstool. “Sure thing, friend,” he said. “Didn’t mean to ruffle your feathers. I’ll be on my way, to see if anyone knows the fellow I’m looking for.”

As the big man walked with a confident, easy gait towards the jangling door, Widner couldn’t help but call out to him. “Hey!” he shouted. “What’s the so-called cure, anyway?”

The reporter turned and smiled that calming smile again. “A concentrated, fast dose of x-rays,” he answered. “You have a merry Christmas.”

 And, for the first time in six years, nothing – glorious, holy nothing – happened to Sal Widner.

***

Like I said, a great story.

Season's Greetings!

Minifig!

So, this came in the mail today:

Courtesy of my brah Phil, it's a Heroforge miniature of yours truly. The three B's are there: bald head, bushy eyebrows, and beard. The book and the big d20 are suitable talismans for this part-time DM. And the kilt with Chuck Taylors was my teaching uniform for years.

All in all, not a bad job!

Thanks, man! now I just need to roll up a character to match...

Radical

So, Wonder Wife is off to Hawai'i and I have plenty of time on my hands, and over this weekend I read Cory Doctorow's Radicalized.

The book is collection of four long short stories/short novellas/whatever-they-ares. Because some of the motifs and conceits are sort of science-fiction-y and because there are (thinly disguised) superheroes in one story, I am talking about it here on Thark, but the subtitle of the work is Four Tales of our Present Moment and I could easily place this on Epicurus (where I get as political as I ever do).

From the internet of things shit to institutionalized racism, from the inhumanity of healthcare-for-profit to the inevitable failure of libertarian me-firstism, Doctorow throws all that is wrong with our culture into stark relief through compelling narrative: political analysis delivered through ripping yarns.

I'm not sure what impressed me more: Doctorow's grasp of the ethical aspects of technological, economic, and political structures and his lucid unpacking of them, or his ability to tell an engaging story through spare, direct prose that still sings with a distinctive voice. I don't have to choose; it's a win-win.

I was familiar with Doctorow from Boing-Boing and Twitter - along with Sarah Kenzidor, he is one of my go-to sources in these troubled times -  but I hadn't actually read any of his fiction until now. I am remedying that immediately: Walkaway is open on the table now.

Read Doctorow.

Small wonder

So, yesterday Wonder Wife said she might want to bounce up to Vancouver , BC today to get some vegetarian wonton soup (Vancouver is awesome for finding vegetarian restaurants). When I awoke this morning, my phone reminded me that today was the first day of VANCAF - the Vancouver Comic Arts Festival. So after a breakfast of some fluffy, fluffy eggs*, we nexus-passed through the border and headed to the Roundhouse Mews.

The Roundhouse is a residential/commercial complex in the Yaletown neighborhood near downtown, with a nice interior courtyard and a community center/event space/gymnasium as part of the deal. It was there that this free event was taking place - and yes, it was indeed no charge to get in. Now admittedly, there were no Big Names to be found - and certainly no movie or TV people - but there were a zillion indy comic artists, graphic novelists, illustrators, and cartoonists filling the gym and program spaces.

Besides the absence of Hollywood types, the other difference was the lack of a significant superhero presence. Most of these artists were small press or self-published, and most of the genres represented were historical fiction, horror, fantasy, autobiography - well, I guess just about everything besides superheroes.  The place was abuzz with activity, just like a comic con, only a little bit mellower.

Two things stood out immediately as we cruised the festival. The first was that we could tell how much more multicultural a community Vancouver is, certainly when compared to Bellingham and even when compared to Seattle. It was great to see so many different folk at the event - both as creators and as part of the crowd. The other observation was how LGBT-friendly the event was, in a very intentional and visible way. Not only were there gender-neutral bathrooms and pronoun stickers, but my rainbow tie got me a lot of love.

I managed to keep my spending down to one deluxe GN and this lapel pin, which I will probably wear every day from here on out:

(attributed variously to Jack Kirby and Charles Schulz)

Wonder Wife initially thought she was just going along for the ride, but it turned out to be just her kind of scene. She soaked up the ambiance, chatted with a number of creators, and bought several works, including a comic, some frameable strips, and some illustrations. If she hadn't gotten so hungry for wontons, we might have stayed longer.

All in all, a great visit to swell little con. It's going back on the calendar for next year.

*You should Google that phrase - there's an extraordinary number of responses